New Tastes In The World Of Tests

I did my HIV screening test today. Let me not sound like it was the first time I had been screened for the then-dreaded disease because it’s not. It was actually my third screening. That does not mean that I am faithful to the once-in-three month’s recommended screening dose. I am not so as I waited patiently for the result I felt all kinds of emotions running up and down.

The first of those emotions was disdain. I wondered why I had stopped at the volunteers’ desk. After all that was not the first in recent times I had seen them. I recall being accosted by them the Thursday before.

“It’s free, Please come and test for HIV”, the volunteer had said.

I shook my head vigorously and said I had already been tested. That was not a lie; I had been tested twice so I hated my actions more even now. If only I had not been concerned of how these ladies would react if I walked away as if I was already a confirmed carrier. Maybe it was because I knew both of them personally. I tried to calm myself down but it was pointless. Anyone who looked at me could tell how nervous I was from my shifty eyes.

I also felt fear creeping all over me. I think that was the deepest emotion of them all. I was scared and I was angry at my fear.

“What if I was confirmed a carrier?” I asked myself over and over again.

I thought about the countless things that would fill my to-do lists. I even thought the possibility of ignoring the result and the need for after-care. For someone who had worked as a volunteer with the Anti-Retro-Viral Therapy (ART) Centre in my hometown, I was obviously dealing with this very badly. I guess nothing prepares for anyone for dealing with HIV. And this has nothing to do with being a ‘good’ girl. When you know that you have been exposed, even to barest minimum, to blood, you can ask for the kind of mercy I was now seeking.

I watched as the Volunteer tore out a test script, I let my eyes rest on her hands. Even when she picked up that small needle, this did not change. The prick was slight. The last two times I have had to do the test, I had blood sucked out of me with a syringe. In those two instances, I did not even know that I was being tested for the virus. The first was when I was fresh out of secondary school. I had begun to lose my baby-fat at a very alarming rate. What was most surprising was that the fat I had maintained in the boarding house was beginning to varnish on my return home. My mother panicked and sent me off to the doctor as fast as she could with the mandate to get to the root of the problem. And so the tests began. For every visit I came back home with a bag of medicine and a syringe full of blood lesser. My pleas that I was in good health were ignored by both my mother and the doctor so I resigned myself to the treatments for who–knows-what sickness. The doctor stared at me one fateful day and said, “There is one last test that I’d need you to do”.

That moment I knew I was going to get screened. I waited for him to give me a name as I understood it to be my right. He did not tell me what the test was for until the results came out but I did not care. I was happy there was no cause for alarm.

The second was when I started this job in this company in the food sector whose policy was to run blood test for employees. Just tests - no information as to the nature. It was not until there was a health issue that the employee concerned was brought in. In other words, just give us your blood and go. Thankfully, my position gave me the opportunity to view my results.

Was I also scared on those occasions? Very!

The fear of the unknown is something alarming especially if it is for deadly diseases. I have long outgrown the age of looking at HIV as the deadliest of diseases so this has nothing to do with the name.

“Is my result not ready?” I asked impatiently.

I tried to read her facial expression as she peered into strip that was marked with my blood but read nothing. It was not until her counselling was halfway through that calmness found its way to me.

As I walked down to the building that housed my interim office, I thought of the countless tests that was recommended for me that I was yet to do. Ma always said that ignorant is bliss but I know that this is not sweeping in real life. As much as I would like to get through with some of them, I know they will always be medical tests that will remain outstanding for even the longest time. I hope my fear conquers most of them.

Keep faith...